Dear Het Bros and bleary eyed sorority ladies,

We don’t want you. 

I don’t know where you got the memo that being “gay friendly” means sucking all the air out of the room at queer events, but you are so wrong..  Gay liberation does not mean dance floor assimilation.   Take your quest for an ‘edgy san Francisco evening’ somewhere fucking else.

I wish that it were different, that “mixed crowds” worked.  Here are some reasons why they don’t:

1.     Hella bad fashion – backward baseball caps?? I understand that you are a heterosexual man, but are you Bart Simpson?  You are lowering the whole fashion tone of the room. 

2.     Wasted dance moves and egregious tongueing.  Queer people seem to be able to keep it a little more dignified drunk, maybe because they have less shit repressed.

3.     GROSS SEXIST BEHAVIOR.  I literally saw a dude walk past my dancing friend last night and deliberately cup his hand around her ass as he passed by her.  However, to that point – to the gay dude who when told about that situation asked me if I “wished I was her” – you fucking suck too.  No, I don’t wish I was a straight woman so I could get sexually harassed by men, I’ve been there and done that – it’s actually not “sexy”. 

If you want to be ‘down with the gays’ – spend time working doing the grunt work for queer and trans rights.  Otherwise if you come to dance with gays, you’d better come to dance WITH gays.  Don’t show up to a queer event in a big clump of hetero, it’s fucking rude.

Yours truly,

Cyd Fistula Nova and Billay Tania